Life with Mali

Casey and Caylee Anthony

2011-06-19T08:52:00.002-04:00

Besides the fact that most of the world wants Casey to pay for a crime she seemed to have committed, the process that this involves is extremely painful to watch. We all wish the truth was said, we all want to know why and how little Caylee died. Casey has never admitted she hurt her, she never admitted doing anything wrong, and has not said what really happened on June 15th 2008. We all expect the highest and hardest sentence for her at the end of the trial, but what we really want is for her to admit she committed the crime.
The reason why is so painful for me to watch is the age of little Caylee, very close to my oldest daughter's age. It is a wonderful time of their life, everything is happiness for them, their world is surrounded by positive thoughts, magic and light. They love us and are loved. How could someone hurt, or let someone else hurt a beauty like them?
I've been watching the trial, from a juror point of view, looking for justice, trying to be objective. In my opinion there is nothing that proves she killed her. Clearly there are a lot of lies, but a liar is not always a murderer. In my heart something says there were more people involved. And I wonder, when is these people going to speak up? if they exist of course. Every time I watch a little bit of the trial I think someone is going to jump out of their seat and say "I did it!, I killed Caylee Marie Anthony!" but it hasn't happened yet.
I wonder if Caylee can understand what is going on, from wherever she is, which is probably a very magical and happy place, does she know someone did this to her? does she know the truth? does she still love he mother? will she make sure the truth comes out? One think I'm sure of, is that my daughter, and many other children in this world, have a new and wonderful guardian angel looking after them.

After a year...

2011-06-18T08:45:00.002-04:00

It's been a year since last time I posted. And my life situation although has gotten better, it's still difficult and uncertain. One of the big differences is that we are not 3 anymore, we are 4. A beautiful girl came into our lives by surprise, but so much expected. Being a family of four is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and at the same time the most difficult. How can two little girls have so much energy and depend on you so much?
Our economy has changed so much this pass year, I'm sure there are people who still have not seen light at the end of the tunnel. I can't say I'm out of it, but I feel like there is hope, now I just have to figure out a way to fix all the damage that it caused in my life.
I'm down to just one job, working long days to allow me to have more days off with my girls. I'm lucky to be a stay home mom and at the same time work full time. I love being in charge at home, I love teaching them to behave, to eat healthy, to be organized, to clean, and although it's going to take years for them to fully understand it all I can already tell they are getting it.
I have a 3 year old, who loves pink and purple, who lives in a fairy world, who wants butterfly wings to fly over the flowers and rainbows. And I have a 1 year old, who wants to sit on my lap and see the world from there. I still look at my family and wonder where they came from! Besides the money problems, I can say I'm a happy person, just waiting for the waters to calm down!

The economy hit me

2009-07-12T21:45:00.004-04:00

I know bad things happen for a reason, I know we learn with every experience. When we look back at problems we had in the past, we see they were not that bad, and that usually they bring us something good with them.
I'm not sure if I said this before, but I've been married for 10 years, and no, I'm not in my 40s, I'm in my early 30s. If I already said my age, just do like I never did.
My husband and I waited a long time before even thinking about having babies, we spent a lot of time together, we learned to know each other, to understand each other, we did a lot of yelling, a lot of growing, a lot of loving.
We are now a family of 3, we want to be 4 or 5, but that's another story.
I have never been good with politics, I don't watch the news, I don't understand whats going on, and I don't want to know either. I don't think politicians are honest at all, they act to get people's vote, I would if I wanted to win an election too.
So lets not blame anybody on this post, lets just focus on facts.
We all know that the economy right now sucks (excuse me if you think suck is bad word, but to describe our economy is the most decent word I can think of). We have never been rich, we have never had big savings, I don't think we don't even own anything. But, we managed to live comfortable, we were able to go shopping just for fun or to feel better when we were sad (at least me), we had hobbies, we went out to dinner when we didn't feel like cooking, I even donated my share to church when I had cash in my purse (bad think I know...). But the last year, oh God the last year... We have gone through the worse time of our adult lives. Economy hit us on the face like you couldn't even imagine. Left it's hand mark printed on our chicks, it burns, its red, it hurts, and it hurts constantly.
I went from being a "going nuts for being at home so much" stay at home mom, to a "one and half" full time jobs worker-head of the house-going nut for all the pressure mom.
I know I'm fortune that at least I do have a job, I'm sure there are thousand out there who had lost a lot more than me, but you know.. we always think we have the worst.
It's been really hard to see our bills pile up, being late on our payments, getting rid of one of our cars, not being able to have our pantry full, just buying what we really need, just buying what our daughter needs. But it's being really hard to understand the reason why. Why is this happening to us, why does it have to be this hard, did we really need to learn this way? were we really doing that bad that we needed to learn a lesson?
Its not just about money, its about a family too, fighting about money can destroy any family, any marriage. And if you are not strong enough to keep your love and to keep loving during dark times, your life can become worthless. Its so easy to get to that point, its so hard to stay way from it too.
After you pass the time of trying to find someone to blame for what YOU are going through it gets a little bit easier, it gets easier to support each other, to understand each other, and to appreciate for what each of you do. You start working together again, as a team, and you stop thinking about when everything is going to end and you start focusing on how to survive, and try to be happy at the same time.
When is it going to be over? I don't know, does anybody know? is there a way to say when? Probably not. And I stopped thinking about it. Now I'm trying to be happy again, trying to my best, I know and understand that things could be worse. That there is nobody to blame.
Money is not everything, unfortunately you cant make payers understand this, but once you understand it, you start enjoining life again.
Good luck.

Im back

2009-05-29T15:46:00.002-04:00

I had forgotten I even had this blog, and today I got a comment from a reader! wow! someone actually read my blog! and told me to continue writing! isn't it something?? I'm still thinking it was a spam, and they want me to keep writing so someone can make money out of my blog... who knows... I don't trust too many people, especially if they say they like my blog! LOL
I don't remember what I was writing about either, so I'll just write about whats in my mind....
I had a pretty embarrassing moment today, I hit a wall! yes, I hit a wall, really hard, so hard I got a cut on my forehead. I was half asleep, walking in the dark, missed the bed, hit the wall. It happened in the middle of the night, I was so upset, I put ice on it, and went back to sleep. This morning I was surprised to see a huge bump and a nasty scar. I work at the ER of my home town, so since I know everyone there I went to be checked. Thankfully, everything was fine, but how embarrassing to have to say, I walked into a wall, and how embarrassing when they asked me if I was drinking! and no, I wasn't.
I had bruises on my arms too, I've been very tired lately, I'm not paying too much attention to what I do, I guess Ive been bumping into other walls and I don't remember. So they were concerned too, too many bruises, no explanation for them and a huge bump on my head. I'm a pretty smart woman I think, I would never let anybody hurt me, physical or mentally! and, I would fight back, so I would not be going to the ER by myself. It was nice to see how people cares about me, and how they were there for me in case I needed their help. Its hard to convince someone that everything is OK, that I'm not hiding anything. I thank them for worrying, not just about me, but about other people who does need the help, people who is being abused! But I'm OK. I have a headache, a cut on my forehead, bruises on my arms, I'm tired, sleepy, and embarrassed. Time will heal my scar, time will convince them I'm fine, time will give me the energy to stop bumping into walls! and to keep writing my blog!

Welcome to America

2008-08-25T20:05:00.006-04:00

I came to this country 9 years ago, I didn't come looking to get a green card, I didn't come looking for the American Dream, or for political freedom. I came because I was in love. I left a great life, I had a wonderful family, I was in college doing what I liked to do, I had my friends, I had a life. And I still chose LOVE. The beginning was very hard, I was alone most of the time, my husband had to work of course. I didn't have any friends, my English was not very good either. Even my driving wasn't the best. I missed my family, my sister, having things to do. My husband and I worked really hard to make our new life work, and we made it, it has been almost 9 years, we have a beautiful daughter and we are so much in love, still.

Having my family here has been what I miss the most, that's why we decided to bring them up. It took almost a year to complete all the paper work, and we would've never done it any other way. After a lot of money and time my parents became Residents of United States of America. It was a dream come true, I would have them close to me, my daughter would have them too! We were all very excited. They were nervous of course, they would be starting a new life at their age. They had done it before, but they were probably 30 years younger. They knew I was here to help them start, they had my support, and my daughter's room.

It has been almost a month since my dad came. My mom hasn't come yet, they have to wait for my dad to get a job so they would have a place to live. And that's why my mom is not here yet, my dad hasn't found a job yet. America, land of opportunities.

We have applied to every store around, his English is not good at all, but he is trying. He is constantly studying, asking questions and practicing.
He is not been picky, he is willing to do anything, and even at any time too. He has had 3 interviews but because he is not fluent in English they are saying NO. I can understand, but, how come there is no job for him? He has a great resume, and he is a hard worker! There are many English speakers out there who don't understand a word I say, and can't even do their job right, and there are also a lot of Spanish speakers with jobs and came here totally illegal! So, what are we doing wrong?

Stay at home mom

2008-08-18T15:52:00.004-04:00

We had always said, the day we had a baby, I would stay home. We both always agreed on that, I had my mom growing up and I want my kids to experience the same. I never thought it would be this hard, never thought I would be this tired either. I love my daughter, more than my own life, but having to care for someone 24 - 7 is not too much, but a lot. I would do it all over again, but I'm tired. It doesn't help that she is super active, she wants to be doing something every minute of her day. Forget about napping, that's for babies! If she sleeps for an hour that's a lot! I do not get those 3 hours nap where I can scrapbook, I hardly have time to take a shower, and make up is not on my to do list any more. I would like to do things around the house, bake a cake, sew a dress, but there is no time, and if there is, I have no energy! Right now, she is sitting next to me, complaining because she is not moving! I can swear she just said "Oh baby!" but 6 months old babies don't talk I know.
The weather doesn't help either, I would love to take her to the park, or for a walk, but there is a hurricane coming and looks like night time outside right now.
Now she is trying to drink her milk from the bottom of her bottle, that makes me smile and reminds me why I'm so happy!

False Alarm

2008-08-15T20:45:00.000-04:00

Although my daughter is only 6 months old, I want to have another baby really bad! motherhood is so full of joy that adding more it would not hurt at all! Of course is not as easy as it sounds, I don't have maternity coverage or money to buy another thousand of diapers. Sadly life is something you have to pay for. The first month of her life was really hard for me, not being able to breastfeed directly, having postpartum depression, having my family so far away, but still, the second after she was born I wanted another baby. I have so much love to give, so many good intentions to share. I want to see my daughter fight with her siblings, I want to able to make them stop, I want them to play secretly, to share a room, to be playmates, I want them to be, with us two, a family. Again, if money wasn't a problem, I would love to have a couple more, a couple couples perhaps.
The thing is, I thought this month would be the month. The one I would say, it wasn't planned, but its a blessing and we are happy. Of course the chances were not big, pretty tiny I would say, but it got me all excited, I went from being worried that it would happen, to calculate the arrival date.
Its not something I can plan right now, I shouldn't try again, I should try to avoid it, its the smart thing to do. If it happens, good, we'll deal with it, the best way possible, if it doesn't, I'll wait patiently, not for very long, but patiently. I know God is on my side, it took me a while to admit I wanted one on the first place, so waiting for a second one should not be a problem.
When I look at her and see how incredible pretty she is, I think how could it be possible to have another one as cute as her? and love another human being as I love her! is that possible for real? is it true that us parents cant have a favorite? that we love all our children the same way? and is it possible to have a cuter baby? how could that be? how can another baby be cuter when she is the cutest? One thing I know, and I wish, is that our second child is definitely calmer than our fist, please!
Oh, and help keep this blog alive, live me a comment! thanks!

Addicted to the computer

2008-07-21T16:41:00.000-04:00

So today when I woke up, I said, I'm not turning my computer on until 5 pm! So, I got up, took a shower, cleaned up a little bit, put my clothes away, my daughter's and my husband's. I vacuumed, and did dishes. While my daughter took a nap I watched a little bit of TV. I like to watch the today show and Ellen. I even made lunch early to have it when I got hungry! I cant tell you how many times I tried to find an excuse to turn the computer on, but I didn't. I wanted to check my email, I'm not sure why, because I don't get that many! I wanted to check the boards when I usually post, don't know why either, because the posts were going to be there at 10 am or 5 pm! Anyway, I was very strong and made it until 3:30 pm, I needed to find a recipe for donuts! I'm not sure if that was a good excuse but it worked, and now I have to make them!
I don't know why I'm so addicted to the computer, its not like I'm sitting in front of it all day, but I'm constantly checking my email, the boards, other people's blogs, and free stuff from craiglist, why? I don't know, I have never gotten anything anyway! and by the way... I haven't checked that yet... BRB And I checked, now I feel better.
So I'm waiting for the dough to be ready, I'm also making an onion focaccia since I have so many onions and the dough. Not too much to say today...

My opinion about...

2008-07-20T14:44:00.001-04:00

If I could post mentally this blog would be full of stories! I guess I can think a lot at 1 am while feeding my daughter! and 2 am, 3 am and 5 am LOL. But now sitting in front of the computer my mind is blank. It's like being in front of camera, all of a sudden I'm speechless, my heart is beating really fasts, my hands are sweaty and I cant breath.... well, not so much like that, but blank. Must be a coordination thing, hands and thoughts cant work together.

I'm going to start giving my opinion on a very relevant matter, today's news, historic moment. Jon and Kate plus 8. Call it "I'm at home too much" or "Get a life" or however you want, but I enjoy watching that show, not because I want to be one of them and have my own private day care at home (something my sister would probably be happy with) but I just like to see how organized Kate is, and very deep inside me, I want to be the same way, but its not happening any time soon. It helps me see my life as not as bad as I though it was, with just one kid. And I also admire her capability of "doing-and-saying-whatever-she-wants-with-her-husband" thing. I know I'm always right, I know my ideas are always better, but there to make my husband see it that way, it would be another deal, an impossible one.

What I really wanted to say, its not too much about the actual show, but about the viewers. It has caught my attention many negative comments about the show. On how she is ruining the kids life, how she treats her husband, how she is bossy, and how they are making so much money using their children. So, first, Is she really ruining her kid's life? probably. They will never be able to be normal again, no matter how far in the country you live (isn't that where they live? well, a town with no buildings and malls to me is the country), I don't think there is one person in this entire universe who doesn't know who the Gosslins are, especially if you see 6 four year old together, 2 sets of multiples or just a family of 10 walking by the street, or dirt road, however you want to call it! They may not be actors or singers, but they are famous, other kids will be jealous, and curious about them, I'm sure that wont be very comfortable at all for them. Two, How she treats her husband. Come on people! who wouldn't like to tell their husband how to do things, how to set the table, how to keep the kids happy, how to watch them so they don't get run by a truck, without them saying anything back? well, I'm first on the list! Three, that she is bossy, I really think she has to be! she has 8 kids for God's sake! so hit yourself on the head if you have ever said this before about her! Four, About making money, well, hello! so what? now we are going to complaint about people making money? people who really needs to make money? because I rather them making the money, than Denise Richards or the girl from 90210, they already have the money and are famous! and to me, their life is really boring! boring! So bottom line, if you don't like the show, don't watch it! that simple!