False Alarm

Although my daughter is only 6 months old, I want to have another baby really bad! motherhood is so full of joy that adding more it would not hurt at all! Of course is not as easy as it sounds, I don't have maternity coverage or money to buy another thousand of diapers. Sadly life is something you have to pay for. The first month of her life was really hard for me, not being able to breastfeed directly, having postpartum depression, having my family so far away, but still, the second after she was born I wanted another baby. I have so much love to give, so many good intentions to share. I want to see my daughter fight with her siblings, I want to able to make them stop, I want them to play secretly, to share a room, to be playmates, I want them to be, with us two, a family. Again, if money wasn't a problem, I would love to have a couple more, a couple couples perhaps.
The thing is, I thought this month would be the month. The one I would say, it wasn't planned, but its a blessing and we are happy. Of course the chances were not big, pretty tiny I would say, but it got me all excited, I went from being worried that it would happen, to calculate the arrival date.
Its not something I can plan right now, I shouldn't try again, I should try to avoid it, its the smart thing to do. If it happens, good, we'll deal with it, the best way possible, if it doesn't, I'll wait patiently, not for very long, but patiently. I know God is on my side, it took me a while to admit I wanted one on the first place, so waiting for a second one should not be a problem.
When I look at her and see how incredible pretty she is, I think how could it be possible to have another one as cute as her? and love another human being as I love her! is that possible for real? is it true that us parents cant have a favorite? that we love all our children the same way? and is it possible to have a cuter baby? how could that be? how can another baby be cuter when she is the cutest? One thing I know, and I wish, is that our second child is definitely calmer than our fist, please!
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